i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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