Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
