Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
