I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
