my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
