please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
