Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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