You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
