OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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