i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Do vagina's smell?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I deserve this hangover.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
