i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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