i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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