I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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