Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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