You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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