i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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