My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
