is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
