go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
