I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
