my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
