i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize