My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
