so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He did a backflip because drugs
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
