The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
