hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
