Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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