you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
