just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
