Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
