He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
