And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
