If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
