so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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