Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
