You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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