i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
