New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
God I need to hump something, right now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
