Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
And then my night got REAL pukey
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
