Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.

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(956): View more from Texas

im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.

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(410): View more from Maryland

i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches

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(707): View more from California

New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice

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(830): View more from Texas

Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?

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(613): View more from Ontario

I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.

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