I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
