I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
