A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
