At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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