Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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