my vag is so smooth its legendary
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
it glows. i had to have it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
