And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
