Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
