all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
