Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
