I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
