Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You are a genius and a whore.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
