Ambien. No doubt about it.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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