I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
