you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
They have beer where we have blood.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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