my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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