just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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