Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
