I want to have your abortion
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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