my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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