She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
