Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I am naked and annoyed.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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