i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
