she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
is that a dick in a sweater?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
