good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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