My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
