I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize