it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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