Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My vagina is officially offended.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
