College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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