OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
