i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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