I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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