I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize