god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
