I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
