Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
