Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
