she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
