So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
