I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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