on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
