I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
