i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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