they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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