Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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