I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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