one word: firstdatebathroomanal
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
