i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
