The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
