What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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