keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
