I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
