He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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