Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
