But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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