Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
