This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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