We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
