im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
