I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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