She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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