im holly from the hills drunk
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
