I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
