Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
