Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just blew my weed a kiss
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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