So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
