You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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