Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize