he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
